Cry Wolf

For those who wonder what I've been doing for the past few days, you can find my recent creative efforts over here.

The following is a true story.

Let's say you've got a bug problem. And not just any bug problem--we're not talking ants or roaches here, we're talking...ladybugs. Yes, those adorable and helpful creatures which destroy gardens the world over.

But the bug problem isn't in the garden, it's in your bedroom window. It's no secret that bugs don't like to starve or freeze to death, so taking up some space in your abode is not uncalled for.

Until, that is, the damn things are everywhere. Hundreds of ladybugs, crawling crawling crawling.

So what do you do? You ask your mother, who lives in this house, where the bug spray is at. She uses it on her garden from time to time for just this purpose. You're ready to rid yourself of these pesky ladybugs--who fly in your hair and crawl on you at any point in time--for good.

You then spray the All-Natural(tm) bug killer on the ladybugs and wait for sweet, quick death to 'the bugsies'. But it doesn't happen. They continue to crawl and, after awhile, you lose interest and later you fall asleep.

Returning home from school the next day, you find that your ladybugs are gone--yay!--but that you have something else which takes its place:

Spiders. Tons of them. Hundreds of Wolf Spiders crawling all over your window.

It turns out that the All-Natural(tm) bug spray is simply a spider attractant. And you just loused your window good with the stuff, leaving the equivalent of Spider Love Potion #9 all over your wall.

And, well, it creeps you out. I mean, look at the damn things:

 

So with spiders crawling all around, you try and devise a method by which they will die. But your window is covered with them. What to do?

You squash them. But as soon as one dies, dozens jump on it and begin eating it. Gross.

You remove the bed skirt so they won't get on you. Then you go to sleep, hoping to get some ideas in the morning.

And somewhere, deep in the night, you wake up and your feet are sticking out of the sheet. And they're a little tingly from the night air. And then the moonlight hits your toes...

...and your feet are covered in a dozen spiders.

And you raise your bedsheet. And half a dozen are crawling around in your bed.

And you scream like a little girl and brush them off and you run like hell and slam the door, put a towel in the space at the bottom and freak out as you sleep on the couch for a few days.

You tell your friends about it and they freak out as well. They explain that all hope is lost--call the Orkin man and let him handle it. So you do.

And the Orkin man, instead of coming out, explains that you should get a powder of some sort and sprinkle it both on and around the area where the spiders are. You don't remember the name of it, but you hope it works.

And boy, does it. You sprinkle it on them and they begin freaking out, dehydrating to the point of minisculeness (if that's even a word) and some of them, yuck, some of them explode when you sprinkle it on them.

And after a thorough cleaning of your room, and plenty of powder to go around, you now have a crazily weird story to freak out your new acquaintances and friends alike.

*Shudder*

Thanks to my friend Michael for sharing this weird story with me. I just wrote it down. It still freaks me out to even read about it. This happened last week.

 

So I'll tell you all the story,
About the joker and the thief of the night