Church Story, Finale

This story has three other parts: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3

I tried to think of the best thing to say to her that following week. The altercation with her mother over the phone had occurred on a Thursday or Friday, so I had almost a whole weekend of guilt to overcome.

Sunday morning I searched for her but she was sticking close to friends. I wouldn't know what to say to her, even if I did get her by my lonesome. What was I expecting to blurt out? "I'm sorry I screwed up," as if that would help the mother not liking me or her thinking I'm a weirdo.

But she smiled at me, and I still had hope. Hope springs eternal, for sure.

The Easter Play/Project/Show was finally finished that same weekend, in a flurry of work. The wood that had been taken from barns and farms and wood piles around the area was now lined all the way around the gymnasium. The chairs were set out, the lighting was set, and the songs were ringing in my head.

I don't think I had ever sweated so much.

The night of the show, I knew I would have a real chance at talking to Jennifer alone, explaining myself and, hopefully, in the darkness behind the stage, something more (as in a kiss, of course).

Jennifer was playing a role in the play, dressed in a baggy gown that I still thought made her look ravishing. I was with my friends in the upper loft, waiting for the event to start. We had burning lanterns all around the gymnasium, the huge stadium lights now turned off, and the ambiance was great.

Then, I sneezed. I found some tissue and wiped my nose. My mucus was completely black.

"What in the world?"

It was then me and my buddies realized that the soot from the torches was traveling upwards, right where we were sitting. I was wiping soot out of my nose for almost three days afterwards.

The show began and it was, well, a production. There were songs, there were laughs and gasps and sighs. There was the unmistakable "Amens" echoing across the room as the guy who played Jesus carried his big wooden cross down the aisle of people and onto the stage.

It was then I knew I had to find Jennifer. She was in the scene before the crucifixion, and afterwards. Therefore she should be in the two backstage rooms that bordered the stage. I set off for her.

In the first one I found a friend of hers. "Where is Jennifer?" I said. She said she didn't know, but I didn't trust her. I darted off behind the stage towards the other room.

The other room held all of the metal chairs for the gymnasium. It was almost empty from the seating currently set up, but not quite. I turned the corner and thought I saw someone, but chairs skewed my view.

Then I slowed down and caught a glimpse of her hair. YES!

Then I saw a hand...not her own...on her back.

Tiptoeing, I peeked around the corner to see Alex and Jennifer in full lip-lock.

I stared for a moment, heartbroken and in disbelief. This asshole? She brushed me off for THIS asshole?

It was all I could think about. I wasn't about to confront them, and I wasn't about to tell my friends what I found either. I went to the other backstage room on the opposite side of the stage and sat. Jennifer's friend was now gone. I guess she knew what was going on over there, but couldn't (or wouldn't) tell me.

I still wonder if there was anything I could've done differently. It's not just the phone issue, but I'm sure that attributed to it. The fact may have been she was simply too enthralled with Alex to see past him, no matter how badly he treated her.

I sat in that room, alone, as a dramatized resurrection occurred on stage. I couldn't remember if I was supposed to be on stage or not.

I wiped my nose and looked at the long black streak left on my hand. Then I began to giggle. Then I began to laugh. Everyone, I realized, would have this soot in their nose too. At least a hundred people wondering what happened, trying to get it out of their nose by blowing or wiping it over and over.

I tried to find something funny and interesting and hang on to it, because everything else seemed so bad at the time.

In a year and a half I would leave the church, never to return. Not because of this incident of course, but other reasons. Reasons that didn't include teenage crushes or asshole boyfriends.

I don't know what I took away from this experience exactly, but as a snot-nosed, er, soot-nosed kid who didn't know better, I don't think I would have it any other way.

I fell in love again
All things go, all things go