Burning Down The House

A few weeks ago I ran into an old buddy of mine. Well, an old professional buddy of mine, a phone guy by the name of Nick. Now Nick’s a cool guy, always has been, and it was great to see him again.

As I am wont to do, I’ll take on extra work if I can squeeze it in. Just so happens he’s got a server and some machines at home that need tending to. So I tell him I’ll call him over the long weekend and we’ll set something up. On Monday afternoon I finally make my way to the office, and on the way stop and get myself a snack—popcorn, because I didn’t want a big meal or anything, and it was better than candy from the gas station.

When I get in the door, my alarm code feels…off. I wasn’t sure exactly why, but I felt a little odd.

Weird, I think.

So I throw the popcorn in the microwave for the suggested time and give Nick a call. We’re chatting it up and suddenly I hear an alarm begin to blare. Damnit, I knew that alarm code felt funny…

“The alarm’s going off so I gotta run,” I tell Nick.

Then I look to my right into the hallway. It’s filled with smoke. The popcorn had caught on fire.

“Holy shit!” Off I go running to the microwave, coughing and squinting. I pull out the popcorn bag, which thankfully wasn’t on fire itself, and I throw it in the sink and turn on the water.

But the damage has been done: The whole office is filled with smoke, and by smoke I mean burning popcorn smelling smoke. Ugh.

I’m opening doors. I’m using dual file folders in crazy waft-action. I’m constantly looking outside, waiting for the fire department to show up.

Somehow amidst the chaos I hear the phone ring. It’s the security guys, checking to see if the place is ashes. I tell them my stupid mishap.

In the background I can hear sirens blaring. Of a Fire Truck nature. Damnit.

Then the alarm stops. The sirens stop. The world is silent and the thick grey smoke is everywhere.

So once again my meager intentions are foiled by another adventure caused by my misfortune. All in a day’s work, I say.

The funny thing is that people think this is an abnormal occurrence. Instead, it’s par for the course. The obstacle course that is my life.

Your friends have shown a kink in the single life
You’ve had too much to think, now you need a wife