Family Matters - Week of 2-12-06

Hello everybody. It’s been a nice, pain-free week. For that I’m glad. But first, a poll:

 

 

This will let you, yes, you dear reader, help dictate what I write. Whatever is most popular won’t be the only thing I write, but if you guys like one-shot essays, for example, a few more of those than usual can happen.

And choosing Multi-Part Stories doesn’t automatically mean 13–part monsters. Think more in terms of a story like Running (a 4–part story).

What can I say, I’m a man of the people. Moving on:

Annie

Annie, my dearest and amazing daughter, has a vendetta with Smokey the cat.

“Smokey, stop being a punk,” Annie said while I was fixing her something to drink.

I blinked. “What?”

“Daddy,” she says, “I told Smokey to stop being a punk.” This is a favorite phrase via my wife. I discouraged its use, but will admit it’s pretty funny, particularly when coming out of a 3–year old’s mouth.

Another thing with Annie and Smokey the Cat is getting revenge. Ericka has a habit of saying “I’m gonna mess you up,” and of course children latch right onto any sort of catch phrase, particularly one that can relate to violence.

One evening I was sitting at my PC and I hear a wretched, gutteral Meowwww come from the bathroom. I immediately say “Annie!” and get up to see what’s going on.

In the bathroom I see Smokey on the floor and Annie sitting at the potty holding the cat down.

“Annie, what in the world are you doing?”

“I’m messing Smokey up Daddy.”

I sigh. “Annie, please don’t mess Smokey up.”

Nothing happens.

“That means let the cat go, Annie.”

“Okay Daddy,” she says.

Abby

Abby is currently mired in a head cold which makes her Extra Whiney. When going to bed she whines, when eating she whines, when doing most anything that isn’t immediately pleasurable she’s usually pissed about it.

However, it is her birthday this weekend and so rah-rah to that. We bought her a pig pinata, and are a little worried that whacking her favorite animal—even if it is filled with candy—may upset Abby. She has a very close connection to her pigs and piggy banks. Late last night as I was consoling her she made it a point for me to take her over to one of her piggy banks, pet and kiss it good night, then cover it up with a blanket.

Yeah, that pinata may never actually see the business end of a beatstick…but we’ll see.

Ericka (her myspace)

My loving wife once again trumped me about a thousand times over for the V-Day Holiday. I tell you, I have no hope against this woman. She took pictures of the girls, wrote their loving quotes in cards, and then tied the pictures to the cards with ribbon. Then she managed to find a bear which held a picture frame in its hands and put a picture taken that afternoon in the frame.

My flowers and card looked like crap comparitively. Such is my status in life—forever not measuring up to my wifes amazing skills of sentimentality.

Then she cooks an amazing dinner despite my protests and together we fretted the night away worrying about finances.

Dear Tax Return: I hope to see you sometime soon.

Love, Me.

Etc

Because I thought this was funny and actually improves on an existing work…I present to you Garfield without those annoying thought bubbles…

See? It’s even better without some stupid quote from a cat.

It even sorta feels existential. See more here.

Oh Yoshimi, they don't believe me

But you won't let those robots defeat me