Christopher Who?

There’s a lot of talk about “Jumping The Shark” regarding entertainment. Taking things off the rails, screwing up a good thing. And I thought I had seen it all. I’ve seen shows shoot themselves in the foot (so long, ER), I’ve seen books go bad (Dear Stephen King: You’re an asshole for ruining The Talisman with toilet paper like Black House), I’ve seen artists make such amazing music only to sputter out on their own (sigh).

But Disney, you poor witless saps. What. In the hell. Were you thinking?

A little girl replacing an iconic Christopher Robin. A 3D version of a 2D mainstay. Is this really necessary? That’s all that keeps going through my head. “What did Winnie do to deserve this? Aren’t you making a shit-ton of cash as it is?”

Licensed property is all about the balance of squeezing the dollars from parents and children while at the same time at least trying to keep it tasteful. I mean, seriously. It’s not like we were asking for Christopher Robin to get replaced. I know the boy wasn’t exactly wearing his masculinity on his sleeve, but I wouldn’t call it a bad thing to keep the decades old story, oh, I don’t know, sacred?

“But Christopher Robin may get a cameo!”

Yeah, um. Okay. That fixes things.

Worse yet, I’m not that big of a Winnie the Pooh fan. I don’t collect the books, I don’t obsess over the stories, I’m not memorizing the famous lines from Eyeore. I don’t care about what Winnie did or did not do on this week’s episode.

The point is, it’s a classic story for a reason. Disney, I know you’re trying to be culturally indifferent and gender unspecific, not to mention as PC as possible in remarking that a little girl (let’s just call her a tomboy, shall we, so we can adhere to the Official Consumer Lexicon) interacting with our beloved characters in a Fully 3D World! but draw the line somewhere, would you? (Worst. Pun. Ever) Let me know when I can come up for air again and not find franchises bastardized and deconstructed in order to create a new line of lunchboxes and action figures.

But I’m sure this will just go unnoticed; a flash of utter, disgusting failure in the face of decades of success.

Meanwhile, in 2008 you’ll get your share of real corporate debauchery when this hits a theater near you. We can only hope the heavens don’t come crashing in, casting light on the dark shadows these horrors create.

Finally, I’ll be on Xmas Break here at the ‘Search until next week. My wonderful job has given me 4 days off for the holiday, and I’ll be taking them gladly. I may post before Tuesday, but don’t hold your breath, k?

Thanks for reading. Let’s catch up on Christmas events next Tuesday.

There are things you have said
Raise the boat, and raise the dead