The Hall of Secrets

Do you have a secret?

C?mon, fess up.

Of course you have a secret. Everyone has a secret. No matter who you are or what you do or what you think is right, somewhere there is some piece of information that you want hidden.

We all have secrets. Yes, even you.

They live inside you, waiting to get out. Sometimes you may think of them, roll them around your mouth; try them on for size. There may even be times when you say them out loud, just to hear them in the air. Secrets are delicate as porcelain but heavy as boulders. They can?t do much but weigh you down.

Sure there is some satisfaction in secrets. You know something that other people don?t. This is a gossip-based secret. It tells you something about a person or a subject or a company that few others know about. Knowing what Google will be releasing next is a secret of this sort.

The next time of secret is the friend-based secret. This is usually along the lines of simply keeping your mouth shut. Knowing that Susie doesn?t love Tommy isn?t a huge deal to anyone but Susie, Tommy, and their family/friends. No one else really gives a shit.

The next secret is the family secret. These are usually hidden pieces of information that prop up during your lifetime. They come in fits and starts, sometimes around funerals and other times just out of thin air. You learn something of your relatives that shocks you into realizing ?What has been going on this whole time.? It may floor you, it may surprise you, but it is certainly something that once you know it you?re probably determined to keep it in the family, another compelling force. If your great aunt who now lives in a nursing home was once a prostitute, you?re shocked but determined not to blab about it. Unless the person in which the secret regards is dead, then it becomes a gossip-based secret, as noted above.

The last secret is a personal secret. These you tell only to yourself. You don?t dare let anyone else know about them. Whether its silly (?I really love bubblegum pop?but I?m a punk rocker.?), carnal desires (?I can?t wait to have sex with that person!?), bad/sick/gross habits (?I eat my boogers.?) or worse (?I committed a crime and was never caught.?) these are the worst kind of secrets to have. Why? Because for some reason, sharing lightens the load of a secret. But sharing may not always help. Not only would some of them lead to even further problems (?I committed a crime??), but sometimes you?re simply embarrased for them. You can?t help but look at your secrets as the ugly scar on the inside of your arm or knee: It?s obvious only to yourself, but it still bothers and eats away at you.

I learned a long time ago that the Japanese believe you have 3 faces in this life: The face you show to the world, the face you show only to friends and family, and a face you show only to yourself. The last one is by far the most deadly.

I recently had a secret dropped on me that fell into the Family Secrets category. It sucks to know, and it will remain in my own family. But it?s not pleasant and may change relationships in the future. Does anyone else have an experience where secrets revealed (or kept for too long then unveiled) completely changed your outlook on life?

See you next week.

It was the night I can?t remember
With the girl I can?t forget