Sys Admin Woes: Common Problems
NOTE: This post was deleted but thanks to Jim it is restored! Thanks Jim!
Picking up where I left off just yesterday, and perhaps even inspired this wonderful post from Tony, here is a humorous, tongue-in-cheek (but 100% true) rundown of common problems sys admins face on a daily basis:
I can't print
If there is ever a phrase that will chill the warmest of Sys Admin hearts, it is this one. I don't know who out there designs the printers that HP and Epson and Lexmark manufacture, but somewhere there's a room in hell waiting for them full of old Full House episodes, rapists and razor blades. Whether it's paper jams causing me to burn a finger when I don't wait long enough for the fuser to cool down or paper cuts because the goddamned sheet is in there just in the right place to slice and dice?printers suck. I hate printers. I hate everything they stand for. Weren't we supposed to in the midst of paperless offices by 2005?
Fuck a flying car, I want a paperless world. Because no paper means no printers. And no printers is bliss I tell you. Bliss.
I forgot my password
Oh really? I bet what really happened is that you accidently threw away the post-it note you wrote it down on, or perhaps the cleaning lady mistook it for something actually important. Moreso you try to take this opportunity to instruct them that writing down passwords is bad, and that if someone actually took the time to screw with their account it would be entirely my fault.
"Oh I know," they exclaim as you give them a new one, and you hear them writing it down. Words can't describe the frustration sometimes.
I lost a document
Ah, vaguery. It's like a hall of mirrors, everything looks the same. Was it a Word document? Excel? You don't know what Excel is? It's a spreadsheet. Yeah, with the boxes and the columns. You get a cookie.
Okay, the Recent Documents list gives you an error so it might be a network drive not attached. Oh it was local? Did you move the file? You don't know how to do that. Hrm. Well, let's see if I can crapshoot some more because of course you waited at least 3?4 days, right before the big meeting/session/class and you need this document now as in yesterday.
Had you actually informed me when you lost the doc I may have been able to save it from impending doom. Now I have to go dig up a backup of your machine, which may or may not be current, which may or may not have overwritten a previous backup, and hope I can recover your precious file before your boss finds out and chews you a new poop shoot. Nice work there Einstein.
I can't check my email
Wow, and I thought the document problem was vague. There's a scope to each problem, and this one is right up there with the Grand Canyon. Do you know when it stopped working? Is your machine working at all? Can you reach the internet? Obviously your email wasn't a problem yesterday when you were chatting it up with Betty in Receivables about whatever beanie babies you attained at some yard sale, at least according to my logs it wasn't.
This problem covers a whole slew of crap including, but not limited to, No Internet, No Network, I Can't Find My Drives (which is usually synonymous with I Can't Find My Asshole With A Map And Flashlight), and Can You Please Just Come Down Here And Fix It For Me.
On that last point, your cool meter is put on a scale, and all things are related to it. When I didn't have remote desktop access, the general rule of actually getting off my ass and helping you became a very delicate balancing point of how: Funny You Were, Often You Had Taken Me To Lunch, Bought Geek Gifts/Trinkets (this also includes Candy), and finally Appreciative You Were.
You know how many times you're going to get help in the future when I fix a problem and you just give me a smile and continue talking to someone Much More Important? I'll let the folks at home figure this one out.
Ah, I feel better.
Picking up where I left off just yesterday, and perhaps even inspired this wonderful post from Tony, here is a humorous, tongue-in-cheek (but 100% true) rundown of common problems sys admins face on a daily basis:
I can't print
If there is ever a phrase that will chill the warmest of Sys Admin hearts, it is this one. I don't know who out there designs the printers that HP and Epson and Lexmark manufacture, but somewhere there's a room in hell waiting for them full of old Full House episodes, rapists and razor blades. Whether it's paper jams causing me to burn a finger when I don't wait long enough for the fuser to cool down or paper cuts because the goddamned sheet is in there just in the right place to slice and dice?printers suck. I hate printers. I hate everything they stand for. Weren't we supposed to in the midst of paperless offices by 2005?
Fuck a flying car, I want a paperless world. Because no paper means no printers. And no printers is bliss I tell you. Bliss.
I forgot my password
Oh really? I bet what really happened is that you accidently threw away the post-it note you wrote it down on, or perhaps the cleaning lady mistook it for something actually important. Moreso you try to take this opportunity to instruct them that writing down passwords is bad, and that if someone actually took the time to screw with their account it would be entirely my fault.
"Oh I know," they exclaim as you give them a new one, and you hear them writing it down. Words can't describe the frustration sometimes.
I lost a document
Ah, vaguery. It's like a hall of mirrors, everything looks the same. Was it a Word document? Excel? You don't know what Excel is? It's a spreadsheet. Yeah, with the boxes and the columns. You get a cookie.
Okay, the Recent Documents list gives you an error so it might be a network drive not attached. Oh it was local? Did you move the file? You don't know how to do that. Hrm. Well, let's see if I can crapshoot some more because of course you waited at least 3?4 days, right before the big meeting/session/class and you need this document now as in yesterday.
Had you actually informed me when you lost the doc I may have been able to save it from impending doom. Now I have to go dig up a backup of your machine, which may or may not be current, which may or may not have overwritten a previous backup, and hope I can recover your precious file before your boss finds out and chews you a new poop shoot. Nice work there Einstein.
I can't check my email
Wow, and I thought the document problem was vague. There's a scope to each problem, and this one is right up there with the Grand Canyon. Do you know when it stopped working? Is your machine working at all? Can you reach the internet? Obviously your email wasn't a problem yesterday when you were chatting it up with Betty in Receivables about whatever beanie babies you attained at some yard sale, at least according to my logs it wasn't.
This problem covers a whole slew of crap including, but not limited to, No Internet, No Network, I Can't Find My Drives (which is usually synonymous with I Can't Find My Asshole With A Map And Flashlight), and Can You Please Just Come Down Here And Fix It For Me.
On that last point, your cool meter is put on a scale, and all things are related to it. When I didn't have remote desktop access, the general rule of actually getting off my ass and helping you became a very delicate balancing point of how: Funny You Were, Often You Had Taken Me To Lunch, Bought Geek Gifts/Trinkets (this also includes Candy), and finally Appreciative You Were.
You know how many times you're going to get help in the future when I fix a problem and you just give me a smile and continue talking to someone Much More Important? I'll let the folks at home figure this one out.
Ah, I feel better.
I can see it in your eyes
A look as if your Major Tom has lost control
A look as if your Major Tom has lost control
1 Comments:
You are slowly becoming BOFH...
There is much power in the dark side. :)
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