The Army Saga, Part 1
Note: This is an on-going entry for the next few days. I?ll try to detail what my experience was at 14 when I intern?d at an Army Recruiting Office in Morristown, TN. I hope it?s as intersting as I remember it.
?No dude, tell them you?re interested in the military,? my friend Travis said, indicating the right places with his finger.
?What?? I said. ?I?m not interested in the military, I want to go into computers and stuff.?
In front of me was a page full of multiple choice questions. They asked you for your interests and basically What You Wanted To Be When You Grew Up. Me, I wanted to be a game designer or computer programmer or something. Anything but military. For one, I?m way too fat and lazy for that shit. Sad but true.
?No dude,? Travis continued, ?If you don?t put down military you?re going to be mowing lawns all summer.?
The Put Kids To Work Program (I don?t recall the official title) let 13 and 14 year old poor kids who were just under the legal limit to get a job for the summer. 6 weeks of minimum wage doing menial tasks for The Man. Earning a paycheck at 14 was big stuff, and I?ll be damned if I wasn?t going to take part. Travis had done this last year, where he got a plush job in the Navy Recruiting Office. He wanted it again, so he did his best to fill in all the right circles on the page. Military ambitions? Check. Want to see the ocean? Check. Interested in travel? Check. Like they were really going to transport 13 and 14 year olds anywhere outside the city limits.
I went through the list and erased my existing answers of Computer Geek ? Check, Does Nothing But Tinker With Windows ? Check, Has The Hots For Comic Babes ? Check. Windows 95 was about to hit, and I was ripe for the geek picking. I would do anything that would give me hands on experience with PCs.
?They have like one job for the computer geeks,? Travis said, and as I looked over the room I suddenly began to see a room full of future sweepers, trash takers, and painters, all vying for that single slot.
After filling out our surveys we had to go home and wait for The Letter. Inside it would detail when you would start working and, most importantly, where.
The letter came about a week later. I stared at it for a long time (about 20 seconds), wondering if I got my wish. If I ended up with six weeks of mowing the baseball fields I was going to be pissed. Firstly my chunky ass wasn?t going to mow lawns. I barely got my own mowed, and that was with my mother?s constant prodding (note the subtle cow references). But then I remembered the money. Twenty five hours a week of minimum wage was a fortune in 14 year old dollars.
I held my breath and opened the envelope. Please report to the Army Recruiting Office on Monday?
?Woohoo!? I yelled in the empty house. I was ecstatic. I got just the plush job I wanted, and better yet, the Army Recruiting Office was in a quaint little brick building that sat right outside the mall parking lot. I could head over there every day to play video games and get lunch. This was going to be great!
I called Travis and asked if he got his letter. From his tone I could discern that he had, and that it was not good.
?So, what did you get?? I finally blurted out.
?Well,? he said, drawing it out, ?you play any baseball??
?I?ll buy you some sunscreen,? I told him.
Everything I?ve done, only melody remains
So I sing my song to you, as I watch you slip away
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