Pets

As a family man, and as any family man out there in the world, I would do anything for my kids. Bleed, hurt, go without, etc etc. There is no limit to the parent-ness of sacrifice. It goes above and beyond all else.

Unless, of course, that ?else? is a new pet. Annie wants a pet, we want to give her one.

Well, scratch that. Ericka wants to give her one, and if I like my side of the bed (and would like to remain in it) I pretty much have to go along for the ride.

After ixnaying the dog, cat, or fish variety of pet options, it became obvious that we?re going to be getting her a bird for her birthday. (Random thought: When Annie gets old enough to use the internet, you won?t see many posts with facts like this sprinkled in them) But what kind? I have no idea. This is the part in the story when the father disconnects and just plays with his kids instead of paying attention to details like these.

Some may call that insensitive, but I also pull out the Lack of Knowledge card as well. LoK allows me to say I don?t know, and don?t care, as long as I don?t have to walk it or wipe its ass. That?s just how I roll (I love this phrase). Some may disagree, but I think we?re all on the same page that as long as its low maintenance. Birds are fairly low maintenance. Of course gone will be days we leave the house without asking ?Have you fed/watered the bird?? and ?It's your turn to change the lining,? but I guess those are the breaks.

And birds make Annie so happy, and who am I to not provide her with said happiness?

So in comes the bird, currently living at Ericka?s mother?s house with two others. Here comes the twist: The one we bought may not actually be coming home to Annie. It turns out that birds, like all animals, are tempormental creatures (yeah, I know, newsflash) and the one we bought gets along famously with another of the trio, while the black sheep of the group just sits around pissed off at how much the other two enjoy each other?s company.

But all of this is process, and all of this is really unimportant in the goal of things. The goal is to make my daughter happy, and the bird should accomplish that. And as long as it makes her happy it will stay in the house, and if there comes a day when it makes her unhappy (if that mocking bird don?t sing?), it will be promptly disposed of via the nearest kitchen skillet. I can hear the PETA protests already.

Yes, I?m kidding. If for some reason our mocking bird stops singing, we?ll just open the cage door, provide a free kick in the ass, and say goodbye.

I tried telling you everything?s not broken
But you cried when telling me all we had is gone

Tags: Pets Cats Dogs Birds Family