Blade: Diffusion

So my good bud Jeremy, who always gets the Sweet Free Movie Preview Hookup, provided me with an early peek at Blade: Trinity. How did it do? Well...

First of all, Ryan Reynolds absolutely saves this film. Were it not for his constant, good-natured presence, the film would've dissolved into overwrought garbage, which is what most of the film ends up being.

And let me state that when Parker Posey does a worse acting job than Triple H in his film debut, something is terribly wrong. I'm not kidding here folks. Just try not to cringe as she delivers the first few lines of the film.

To throw out some Story Elements, the picture is supposed to be the final of the Blade films. And frankly, I'm glad. But otherwise, this one has to do with the Vampires knowing that Blade is going to kick their ass, so they resurrect the First Original No Seriously This Time Vampire, Dracula from his home in Iraq (?!). Yes, the same one that Saddam ruled for awhile. Now, of course, he must conform to cooler, more hip times and is called Drake. Played with stinging ferocity by Dominic Purcell, I can't really fault the guy. He did his best and he was effective at times.

This one was directed by David S. Goyer, the same guy who wrote the other Blade films. And while Blade II was a joy, something I now note was almost totally delivered though the direction skills of Guillermo Del Toro, Blade Trinity suffers from overwrought, unneeded scenes and is saved only by the humor that is dosed into the script at almost every turn.

I admit, this is a pretty critical review for a comic book movie. This is a film that isn't going to win any awards (not even the MTV kind), but does make you remember a few things:

- Jessica Biel is hot, hot, hot
- Crossbows are super cool (and always will be)
- Fire all projectionists who accidentally switch two reels in the middle of the film(!)
- This movie is a two hour commercial for iPods

Yes, I said it. Suddenly in the midst of SWAT cops getting mowed down by an old man with a shotgun, and vampires at every turn, Jessica Biel has to stop and load up iTunes so she can load up her Ass Kicking Music And Pump It Hard When She Kills. This of course negates any type of realism (comic book...its just a comic book...) of listening for vamps to come waltzing up from behind, but hey: It gave me a slow motion jacket zip-up, complete with techno and sultry lips shot. It ain't all bad.

But overall, this film is a failure in comparison to either of the previous two. Sure it's got a nice style in the title sequence, but there are segments of the film that are just so unnecessary that make you wonder if they exist only to show off Neat-O Weaponry and Wow, Look How THIS Can Kill Vampires type projectiles.

Last night, I caught myself watching 30 minutes of Daredevil. You remember, that supposedly disaster of a comic book film, the same that's launching Jennifer Garner's Elektra this February? Well, it not only wrapped me in its leather-bound arms almost immediately, it reminded me that Blade Trinity lacks the care that its prequels had. The series now has turned into a joke-a-minute, complete with comedy powerhouse Reynolds and Wesley Snipes doing awful one-liners and making baby sounds for chuckles.

So long Blade, its too bad the series had to end on such a down note.

My Score: 5/10