Kicking the Habit
So, for the past 8+ months or so, I've been a smoker. Yes, a smoker. The kind that burn cigarettes, inhale the smoke, intake the nicotine via said smoke through my lungs, and really, really fuck up my breathing organs as a result. Did I mention I have asthma?
Over the course of 8 months, I had worked up to a pack or so a day. The "or so" can include up to 5+ cigarettes from a second pack. But that was really on a long day where I did nothing but smoke.
I mainly smoked on my computer. When I was playing a game, or when I was working on something. Since smoking was the habit of choice when at the PC, I didn't really feel a need to smoke at any other time. So that's why those that know me might not know I smoke, even if they might've smelled something smoke-like in the past few months.
The reason for not smelling so Marlboro-ish is because I wasn't smoking regular, run-of-the-mill cigarettes. I was smoking clove cigarettes. Sampoerna to be specific. And since I couldn't inhale the things regularly, due to them being too harsh on my already-sensitive lungs, I would smoke french style. That's through your nose if you didn't know that. And even then I could only take a small bit of smoke, as too much would really get me wheezing.
If you're rolling your eyes or saying something along the lines of "What the fuck were you thinking", that's okay. It happens. It's natural, even, to question the intellegence of such actions. But smokers seem to quickly point out their misgivings and lack of IQ on such matters, usually while lighting up. As if admitting this gives them to the right to kill themselves a little further. But I'm all about a person's rights, so in my mind yes, this gives them the right to do whatever they like. They don't even have to give me an excuse. Just do it outside, wouldja? Thanks.
I left for Origins on Wednesday. I smoked 2-3 cigarettes on the way up to Columbus, OH. After I arrived at Tony's place, I have never smoked another. As the days went on, playing around on a laptop, not in the same confines of a bedroom with a PC nearby, and had so much fun at the convention and with the Star Chamber peeps, I never thought of smoking. The dreaded 'urge' never came, so it wasn't even a battle. It was simply a distraction that would cross my mind at some time or another.
It seems the 'moment of choice' came as I said goodbye to all the wonderful Nayantara peeps and made my way back to the car. Inside it had a full pack of cigarettes, unopened. Menthol, a type I was forced to use because my nasal cavaties were getting a little ravaged by months of inhaling that way.
I held them up. I thought about what they meant to me, which is to say not much, and what they did to me, which is to say destroy my lung capacity, bring me plenty of panic-thoughts from not being able to breath like I like and make me reach for the inhaler far too often, and how much I spent on them, which is to say too damn much.
I opened the door, laid them to rest on the pavement, and drove away.
Do I think about smoking as I sit here in the bedroom, typing on the PC? Sure.
Do I really miss it? No. And as long as I have the gumption, and as long as I can control these odd cravings, I'll be just fine. And my asthma sure as hell doesn't miss the wheezing, the coughing, struggle for breath, and out-of-breath situations I found myself in all too often.
Over the course of 8 months, I had worked up to a pack or so a day. The "or so" can include up to 5+ cigarettes from a second pack. But that was really on a long day where I did nothing but smoke.
I mainly smoked on my computer. When I was playing a game, or when I was working on something. Since smoking was the habit of choice when at the PC, I didn't really feel a need to smoke at any other time. So that's why those that know me might not know I smoke, even if they might've smelled something smoke-like in the past few months.
The reason for not smelling so Marlboro-ish is because I wasn't smoking regular, run-of-the-mill cigarettes. I was smoking clove cigarettes. Sampoerna to be specific. And since I couldn't inhale the things regularly, due to them being too harsh on my already-sensitive lungs, I would smoke french style. That's through your nose if you didn't know that. And even then I could only take a small bit of smoke, as too much would really get me wheezing.
If you're rolling your eyes or saying something along the lines of "What the fuck were you thinking", that's okay. It happens. It's natural, even, to question the intellegence of such actions. But smokers seem to quickly point out their misgivings and lack of IQ on such matters, usually while lighting up. As if admitting this gives them to the right to kill themselves a little further. But I'm all about a person's rights, so in my mind yes, this gives them the right to do whatever they like. They don't even have to give me an excuse. Just do it outside, wouldja? Thanks.
I left for Origins on Wednesday. I smoked 2-3 cigarettes on the way up to Columbus, OH. After I arrived at Tony's place, I have never smoked another. As the days went on, playing around on a laptop, not in the same confines of a bedroom with a PC nearby, and had so much fun at the convention and with the Star Chamber peeps, I never thought of smoking. The dreaded 'urge' never came, so it wasn't even a battle. It was simply a distraction that would cross my mind at some time or another.
It seems the 'moment of choice' came as I said goodbye to all the wonderful Nayantara peeps and made my way back to the car. Inside it had a full pack of cigarettes, unopened. Menthol, a type I was forced to use because my nasal cavaties were getting a little ravaged by months of inhaling that way.
I held them up. I thought about what they meant to me, which is to say not much, and what they did to me, which is to say destroy my lung capacity, bring me plenty of panic-thoughts from not being able to breath like I like and make me reach for the inhaler far too often, and how much I spent on them, which is to say too damn much.
I opened the door, laid them to rest on the pavement, and drove away.
Do I think about smoking as I sit here in the bedroom, typing on the PC? Sure.
Do I really miss it? No. And as long as I have the gumption, and as long as I can control these odd cravings, I'll be just fine. And my asthma sure as hell doesn't miss the wheezing, the coughing, struggle for breath, and out-of-breath situations I found myself in all too often.
3 Comments:
good choice, you will thank yourself and your kids will thank you. Giving up our bad habits is not always easy but they are worth the extra effort and frustration
Congratulations and good luck with staying smoke-free. I'm proud of you. I know the struggle. I used to smoke camel unfiltered (asthma here, too -- what the fuck was I thinking?). It's rough for a good long time. But once you cough up all the black shit that's been accumulating in your lungs, and once you're no longer used to the smell of smoke (at which point you realize how truly nasty this habit is), it gets better.
Interesting timing, too. Just tonight, Columbus passed a ban on smoking in ALL public buildings. No more smoke-filled bars or clubs. I can finally indulge in my bad habit without having anyone else's forced upon me.
Cheers!
I have been quit for almost 4 years and i still would like to have one when i am power gaming. It's not like an urge, but i think it would be nice to light up. Misty would kill me though and i would be an idiot after having whipped their ass for 4 years to throw it all away.
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